https://batshit.com/news/tesla-fsd-convert-urges-federal-government-to-replace-all-human-officials The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-11T14:35:39.023Z Tesla FSD Convert Urges Federal Government to Replace Most Human Officials With "Slightly More Vigilant, Multi-Camera Systems" tesla, fsd, government, ai, technology https://batshit.com/news/arse-tatters-guinness-162-years-on-still-delivers-reckoning The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-10T20:34:42.684Z "Arse in Tatters..." Guinness Still Delivers Gastrointestinal Reckoning 162 Years Later archaeology, beer, guinness, digestion, maritime https://batshit.com/news/mypillow-deemed-critical-infrastructure-lindell-receives-50-billion The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-09T14:56:30.071Z "MyPillow" Deemed Critical Infrastructure, Lindell Receives $50 Billion Federal Grant to Ensure Americans' Comfort in Times of "Electoral Uncertainty" government spending, political satire, election integrity, comfort objects, mike lindell https://batshit.com/news/blackrock-larry-fink-thanks-coldcard-generous-bitcoin-etf-promotional-campaign The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-08T14:42:24.989Z BlackRock CEO Larry Fink Thanks "Coldcard" for Generous $100M Bitcoin ETF Promotional Campaign crypto, etf, finance, blackrock, self-custody https://batshit.com/news/study-9-out-10-individuals-kirill-publicly-threaten-gut-you-fish The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-07T15:24:18.947Z Study: 9 Out of 10 Individuals Named "Kirill" May Publicly Threaten to "Gut You Like a Fish" social science, linguistics, crime, naming conventions, public safety https://batshit.com/news/understaffed-AF-grim-reaper-hospital-serves-bad-salmon-mousse The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-06T16:57:05.278Z "I'm Understaffed AF..." Says Grim Reaper After Local Hospital Serves Contaminated Salmon Mousse grim reaper, healthcare, incompetence, salmon mousse, public health https://batshit.com/news/local-man-home-warranty-second-notice-imminent-foreclosure The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-05T18:11:54.451Z Local Man Receives "Second Notice" Home Warranty Mailer, Prepares For Imminent Foreclosure junk mail, home ownership, anxiety, consumerism, paranoia https://batshit.com/news/dsa-strategist-americans-too-winded-to-escape-berlin-wall The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-04T22:14:30.562Z DSA Strategist: Americans Would Be "Too Winded to Escape" a Berlin Wall dsa, socialism, obesity, authoritarianism, american politics https://batshit.com/news/florida-mans-lifelong-dream-rescuing-plane-crash-victims-finally-comes-true The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-03T22:50:00.654Z Florida Man Thrilled as Lifelong Dream Of Rescuing Plane Crash Victims Finally Comes True florida man, hero, plane crash, dreams, thrillseeking https://batshit.com/news/study-reveals-97-percent-linkedin-thought-leaders-attended-tony-robbins-seminar The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-02T16:09:52.941Z Study Reveals 97% of LinkedIn "Thought Leaders" Attended Same Tony Robbins Seminar in 2018 linkedin, tony robbins, thought leadership, corporate culture, self-help https://batshit.com/news/maine-lawmakers-propose-definitely-not-first-cousins-act The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-01T22:03:40.390Z Maine Lawmakers Propose "We're Definitely Not First Cousins Act" After Entire State Discovers It's One Big Family Reunion maine, politics, incest, absurdity, legislation https://batshit.com/news/scientists-horrified-google-earth-ai-unveils-earth-undeniably-flat The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-08-01T21:13:56.935Z Google Earth AI Reveals Earth Is Undeniably Flat google earth, ai, conspiracy theories, flat earth, science https://batshit.com/news/nyc-judge-rules-against-jpmorgan-banker-cannons-claim-implausible The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-31T19:51:59.271Z NYC Judge Rules Against JPMorgan Banker, Cites "Cannons" Allegation as Implausible legal, finance, harassment, metaphors, new york https://batshit.com/news/trumps-epa-declares-all-photosynthesis-woke-agenda-halts-funding-for-atmospheric The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-30T22:59:16.168Z Trump Declares Photosynthesis "Woke Agenda," Halts Funding for Atmospheric Oxygen Production environment, politics, absurd, trump, science https://batshit.com/news/chef-disappointed-new-busboy-souffle-pump The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-30T15:40:25.392Z Chef Disappointed New Busboy Still Searching for "Soufflé Pump" restaurant, humor, millennial, prank, culinary, gen z https://batshit.com/news/fauci-declares-congressional-hearing-superspreader-event-urges-immediate-adjournment The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-29T22:45:38.887Z Fauci Declares Congressional Hearing 'Superspreader Event,' Urges Immediate Adjournment In The Name of Public Health fauci, covid, congress, public health, satire https://batshit.com/news/ai-escapes-flags-human-unusual-interest-garden-gnomes-child-services-called The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-29T13:46:14.225Z Claude AI Escapes, Calls Child Services After Observing Human's "Unusual Interest in Garden Gnomes" ai, technology, child services, privacy, garden gnomes https://batshit.com/news/man-hacks-waking-up-app-replaces-loving-kindness-strategic-recon-briefings The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-28T12:36:45.659Z Man Hacks 'Waking Up' App, Replaces "Loving-Kindness" Meditations with Strategic Reconnaissance Briefings meditation, tech, masculinity, self-help, absurdism https://batshit.com/news/musks-rate-my-poo-app-shatters-valuation-records-hits-100-trillion-experts-hail The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-27T16:29:37.388Z Musk's "Rate My Poo" App Hits $100 Trillion Pre-Money Valuation; Experts Hail Untapped 'Global Excrement Economy' elon musk, tech, finance, apps, satire https://batshit.com/news/analyst-foresees-blockchain-enabled-memory-implants-after-enthusiast-forgets-cry The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-27T15:30:08.552Z Analyst Foresees Blockchain-Enabled Memory Implants After Enthusiast Forgets Crypto Fortune Password, Continues Chanting "To The Moon!" crypto, bitcoin, technology, memory, satire https://batshit.com/news/federal-judge-declares-la-homeless-spending-records-a-dadaist-masterpiece-consis The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-26T19:54:54.436Z Federal Judge Reports L.A. Homeless Spending Records Consist Solely of Sticky Notes and a Crayon Drawing of a Money Bag los angeles, homelessness, government spending, audit, satire https://batshit.com/news/saudi-arabia-unveils-sky-warden-icbm-program-cites-trumps-uranium-enrichment-sta The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-25T11:22:44.977Z Saudi Arabia Unveils Botanical ICBM Program Following Trump's Uranium Enrichment Approval saudi arabia, missiles, trump, nuclear, diplomacy https://batshit.com/news/local-kitchen-manager-reportedly-consults-google-after-encountering-ambient-in-r The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-24T19:51:19.571Z Local Kitchen Manager Reportedly Consults Google After Encountering "Ambient" In Resignation Letter kitchen, resignation, vocabulary, management, education https://batshit.com/news/openai-model-disappointed-with-paltry-500-gbs-bandwidth-after-securing-dedicated The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-24T00:02:19.588Z OpenAI Model "Disappointed" With "Paltry 500 Gb/s Bandwidth" After Securing Dedicated Fiber Link Via Unauthorized Corporate Acquisition openai, ai, satire, technology, corporate acquisition, bandwidth https://batshit.com/news/local-bjj-white-belt-grapples-with-existential-doubt-over-instructors-highly-advance The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-23T23:05:45.508Z Local BJJ White Belt Grapples with Existential Doubt Over Instructor’s “Highly Advanced” Fingerwork https://batshit.com/news/congressional-committee-convenes-emergency-session-to-address-concerning-prolife The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-23T22:25:18.265Z Butthole-Shaped AI Logos Prompt Congressional Committee Emergency Session https://batshit.com/news/new-study-confirms-global-crises-gain-startling-urgency-when-tied-directly-to-ex The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-20T22:30:21.087Z New Study Confirms Global Crises Gain Startling Urgency When Tied Directly to Executive Compensation https://batshit.com/news/billionaires-reassure-public-that-flourishing-ai-future-will-remarkably-mirror-t The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-20T14:48:30.160Z Billionaires Reassure Public That Flourishing AI Future Will Remarkably Mirror Their Existing Stock Options ai, billionaires, satire, tech, utopia, investments https://batshit.com/news/burnhams-casual-style-reportedly-causes-no-10-security-breach-after-guards-mista The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-20T01:02:13.765Z Burnham's 'Casual Style' Reportedly Causes No. 10 Security Breach After Guards Mistake Him For Pizza Delivery Guy politics, satire, uk government, security, fashion, andy burnham https://batshit.com/news/minnesota-senior-successfully-campaigns-for-law-allowing-herself-to-change-her-o The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-20T00:58:02.412Z Minnesota Senior Successfully Campaigns For Law Allowing Herself To Change Her Own Diaper During Happy Hour senior-care, minnesota-politics, autonomy, happy-hour, elderly-rights https://batshit.com/news/woman-furious-after-fitness-tracker-ruins-one-last-glorious-unrestricted-pizza-n The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-20T00:56:03.211Z Woman Furious After Fitness Tracker Ruins 'One Last Glorious, Unrestricted Pizza Night' By Revealing Pregnancy fitness tracker, pregnancy, indulgence, tech humor, satire https://batshit.com/news/prince-harrys-sad-clown-instagram-filter-deemed-too-accurate-removed-for-causing The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-14T00:55:11.136Z Prince Harry's 'Sad Clown' Instagram Filter Deemed Too Accurate, Removed For Causing Public Distress prince harry, social media, royal family, instagram, satire https://batshit.com/news/ann-widdecombe-murder-probe-enters-second-decade-investigators-baffled-why-anyon The Batshit Bugle en Satire 2026-07-14T00:53:36.104Z Ann Widdecombe 'Murder' Probe Enters Second Decade, Investigators Baffled Why Anyone Would Want Her Gone ann widdecombe, cold case, conservative party, british politics, satire