Satire$JPM Forecasts 10% Annual Returns From $BTC, Assuming Nobody Implements Its CEO’s Policy Recommendations
Bank identifies Jamie Dimon’s influence over public policy as the primary obstacle to its strongest investment thesis.
NEW YORK — In its 2027 Long-Term Capital Market Assumptions report, JPMorgan ($JPM) projected annual returns of 10% from $BTC over the next decade, provided its chief executive fails to persuade anyone to do what he has been recommending.
The forecast puts Bitcoin ahead of U.S. stocks at 7.5% and gold at 5.5%, making the asset Jamie Dimon called a fraud in 2017 the bank’s preferred vehicle for long-term wealth creation.
Analysts also acknowledged that Dimon’s 2023 remarks to Elizabeth Warren that, if he were the government, he would "close it down", seemed at odds with their report and potentially a headwind from senior management.
“Our base case assumes Jamie remains someone the government listens to respectfully without actually following through,” said portfolio strategist Shanice Torres.
“Historically, that gives us considerable room for optimism.”
The bank’s model accounts for volatility, regulatory uncertainty and institutional adoption, but excludes a scenario in which its CEO becomes President of the United States.
The report includes a new disclosure stating that past executive statements are not indicative of future results.
At press time, Torres clarified that the bank is currently working on a new ETF featuring a basket of high-performing investments the CEO wants to shut down.
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