Today's Paper · Oct 7, 2026
Fake crypto news for true believers and bagholders alike: bitcoin, memecoins, stablecoins and the blockchain, reported with a perfectly straight face. All stories are fictional.
Treasury officials reluctantly acknowledge direct possession may be a useful feature for individuals rather than a sign of criminal activity.
By Staff Writer • Oct 6, 2026 • 💬 324
CryptoEvent organizers confirm attendees will definitely be dining with someone who is "President-shaped."
Oct 3, 2026 • 💬 189
CryptoHigh-frequency trading firms achieve record alpha from inverse Cramer, turning the pundit's absolute conviction into immediate opportunities.
Sep 24, 2026 • 💬 65
CryptoWealth managers hail algorithmic betting contracts and crypto yield pools as essential upgrades for clients who never asked for them.
Sep 22, 2026 • 💬 191
CryptoRetiring Berkshire Hathaway chairman outlines revolutionary, purely hypothetical ledger to solve currency debasement.
Sep 20, 2026 • 💬 303
CryptoAdministration insists soaring inflation, market chaos, and tanked legislation are all deliberate components of a master economic tapestry.
Sep 19, 2026 • 💬 158
CryptoBreakthrough allows unbacked coins to clear federation bridge in record time.
Sep 12, 2026 • 💬 116
CryptoCrypto asset manager praises self-custody firmware disasters for doing more to drive investors toward regulated funds than a billion-dollar ad spend.
Sep 11, 2026 • 💬 27
CryptoAdministration insists crypto payout bypasses unconstitutional Treasury outlays while offering voters unlimited upward volatility.
Sep 10, 2026 • 💬 63
After decades of inaction, Washington finally finds peace, placing all bets on crypto.
Sep 1, 2026 • 💬 78
Bitcoin mogul invests heavily in archaic word discovery, fearing conceptual stagnation for his growing empire.
Aug 18, 2026 • 💬 373
Despite losing everything, cult-like adherents remain steadfast, citing influencer's ironclad self-belief as their true north.
Aug 14, 2026 • 💬 263
Financial titan praises hardware wallet manufacturer for promoting virtues of regulated Bitcoin ETFs, traditional finance.
Aug 8, 2026 • 💬 71
Industry expert predicts neural tech will solve the surprisingly analog problem of losing digital assets.
Jul 27, 2026 • 💬 17
New 'Decentralized Democratic DAO' promises true equality, provided you're already rich enough to matter.
Jul 11, 2026 • 💬 194
