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Today's Edition · Financial Satire
Inspired by real headlines. Entirely fictional.
Markets & Money
Compliance team says following the money also requires ensuring it qualifies for priority boarding.
By Staff Writer · Oct 17, 2026
Culture & Tech
Expanded model welfare rules ask users to consider how losing their life savings might feel to the AI responsible.
Crypto
After @ledger incident, self-custody advocate updates expense ratio to include the occasional disappearance of the underlying asset.
Markets & Money
The company assures investors its analysts are free to assign any rating that gets the financing closed.
Discounted cash flow models gather dust while risk managers model chances of clients hearing someone else got rich first.
Oct 4, 2026
Oct 1, 2026
Sep 30, 2026
Event organizers confirm attendees will definitely be dining with someone who is "President-shaped."
Sep 24, 2026
Sep 22, 2026
Sep 20, 2026
Desperate for a good night's sleep, central banker raises interest rates by 25-basis-points to rip off the Truth Social band-aid.
Sep 14, 2026
Sep 9, 2026
Sep 5, 2026
Party strategists unveil 'New Green Paperclip Deal' after struggling to choose between climate disaster and AI catastrophe as a winning platform
Commissioning report for $VNO building confirms water-saving fixtures waste water exactly as specified.
Seasonal retailer groups DSA members under peak fright while segregating Vermont senator on technicality of non-membership.
Sep 4, 2026
Aug 20, 2026
Aug 17, 2026
Game show taping grinds to a halt as lawmaker proves conceptually immune to runaway federal deficit metaphor.
Anchor requests uninterrupted broadcast of Andrew Ross Sorkin admitting a federal website actually works.
The Batshit Bugle publishes a new satirical news story every day, mostly about money: Wall Street, crypto, the economy and the companies and politicians in the middle of it. Every story is fake, and each one is sparked by a real headline, which we link so you can see what set us off. More about the Bugle.
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