Today's Paper · Oct 7, 2026
Political satire with a money angle: lawmakers, lobbyists and the budget, reported as if any of it made sense. All stories are fictional.
Party strategists unveil 'New Green Paperclip Deal' after struggling to choose between climate disaster and AI catastrophe as a winning platform
By Staff Writer • Sep 26, 2026 • 💬 210
PoliticsGame show taping grinds to a halt as lawmaker proves conceptually immune to runaway federal deficit metaphor.
Sep 7, 2026 • 💬 132
PoliticsTech giant executive breathes sigh of relief as he passes the CEO baton, avoiding Trump's demands and potentially more fraught cultural battles.
Sep 1, 2026 • 💬 360
PoliticsFlorida students to experience hands-on poverty, scarcity, and forced calisthenics to grasp communism's economic failures.
Aug 30, 2026 • 💬 332
PoliticsGovernor Gavin Newsom, facing questions about his lavish Sacramento-area home, says forgetting a climate-controlled subterranean wing is "the kind of thing that happens when you're busy serving people."
Aug 29, 2026 • 💬 137
PoliticsAmericans reportedly too tired to even process latest presidential proclamation.
Aug 28, 2026 • 💬 300
PoliticsNew ban on energy infrastructure from foreign entities of concern (FEOC) means nation's demand for incremental power to rely heavily on positive thinking.
Aug 28, 2026 • 💬 146
PoliticsPrisoner's platform of "supporting working families" contingent on accepting reverse-charge calls resonates with Alaskan voters.
Aug 26, 2026 • 💬 233
PoliticsNaval review board seeks to bypass naming conventions with a 'deeply personal' homage to Commander-in-Chief's documented medical history.
Aug 21, 2026 • 💬 323
Department of Homeland Security unveils innovative tech, touting unprecedented boosts in administrative efficiency.
Aug 13, 2026 • 💬 349
Local man, having completed a hands-free road trip, believes 360-degree digital awareness is the missing link in governance.
Aug 11, 2026 • 💬 207
Citing national obesity rates, DSA "wunderkind" argues a sedentary American populace key to socialist success, traditional authoritarian measures unnecessary.
Aug 4, 2026 • 💬 379
New bill would require DNA-certified family trees for all political candidates and offers a "Logger's Exception" for those who bring firewood.
Aug 1, 2026 • 💬 46
President Trump condemns "radical decarbonization efforts", claiming trees are "quiet quitting" carbon dioxide for political reasons.
Jul 30, 2026 • 💬 16
Kingdom assures global community this intercontinental missile system, capable of reaching any point on Earth, is purely for agricultural research.
Jul 25, 2026 • 💬 309
The Mayor of Greater Manchester's relaxed attire proves too effective, prompting a review of Whitehall security protocols and the acceptable sartorial spectrum for elected officials.
Jul 20, 2026 • 💬 156
A historic diplomatic initiative aims to de-escalate Middle East tensions through the power of earnest entreaty.
Jul 11, 2026 • 💬 121
