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    LEED Building Counts Toilet’s Second Unnecessary Flush As Independent Verification Of First — Batshit Bugle satirical news illustrationSatire

    LEED Building Counts Toilet’s Second Unnecessary Flush As Independent Verification Of First

    Commissioning report for $VNO building confirms water-saving fixtures waste water exactly as specified.

    By Staff Writer
    •

    CHICAGO — Commissioning agents for a new Vornado ($VNO) LEED-certified office tower have confirmed the building's high-tech motion sensor toilets’ second unnecessary flush is just an independent verification of the first, allowing the building to clearly document water conservation twice without later recommissioning.

    The workaround by the CxA followed tenant complaints that motion-activated sensors were flushing constantly, when users stood up, reached for toilet paper or even made a modest adjustment to their hair in the bathroom mirror.

    “Our commissioning process confirmed that the sensors respond to movement,” said facilities director Ronda Howard. “The fact that they keep responding demonstrates their technological innovation and sustained performance.”

    Under the revised protocol, the first flush constitutes operation and the second constitutes oversight. A third flush, triggered when the occupant turns to check what's in the bowl, closes the feedback loop.

    Commissioning agent Miguel Suzuki marked all three events as successful after confirming that the fixtures installed were the fixtures specified. His report noted that the specified fixtures had been selected for their projected savings, which remained unchanged by their use.

    The building’s actual monthly water bill was excluded from the review because it described performance rather than intent.

    The building owners received a special dispensation to list the second flush under LEED credits for both water efficiency and innovation, provided the same gallon was not documented for both credits.

    Tenants and visitors can view the results on a lobby certification plaque showing a leaf and a gallon per flush indicator of toilet efficiency reflected in the building's design.

    “I'm not saying the building uses less water,” said leasing director Amina Ortiz. “Because I'm not sure it does... I mean, it probably doesn't... But I can confirm that the building has been through the appropriate process.”

    #sustainability#greenwashing#architecture#bureaucracy

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