SatireReport: Passive Real Estate Income Anything But Passive, Income
Plan of acquiring duplex for "mailbox money" finds area father with second job working nights and weekends.
COLUMBUS, OH— Nine months after acquiring a duplex to “let his money work for him,” local man Greg Tanner, 41, confirmed Tuesday that his passive real estate income is neither passive nor, technically, income.
“The YouTube guys said I’d be collecting checks from a beach,” said Tanner, speaking from a crawl space where he was attempting to restore heat to Unit B for the fourth time since October.
“Instead I’m on a first-name basis with a plumber, an eviction attorney, and my local tax assessor who I’m pretty sure has something against me personally...”
According to Tanner’s spreadsheet, the property generates $2,400 a month in rent, of which roughly $600 is actually paid. That figure is offset by the mortgage, an 18% property tax hike, three replaced toilets, and an insurance premium that doubled after a tenant reported that the front walkway stones had a "height differential".
At press time, Tanner’s employer confirmed his productivity has dropped sharply, noting he recently stepped out of a quarterly review to respond to a tenant's text labeled “BREAKER BOX SMELL??”
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