CFTC Assures White House It Will Find Whoever Noticed Suspicious $CL Oil Trades

WASHINGTON — The Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) assured the White House Wednesday that staff responsible for identifying suspiciously timed oil trades ahead of President Trump’s Iran announcement would be found, and if need be, prevented from identifying anything else.

The agency’s enforcement division immediately preserved computer records, secured internal emails, and ordered analysts not to destroy any evidence of having done their jobs.

“We will follow this wherever it leads, provided it leads to whoever opened the spreadsheet...” said enforcement coordinator Bubba Fitzgerald.

Investigators initially flagged a cluster of futures positions placed shortly before the announcement. But after consulting the White House, senior officials determined the timing was less troubling than the staff’s decision to arrange it chronologically.

The administration returned the analysis with the word “suspicious” crossed out and “fortunate” inserted in tracked changes. A request to identify the account holders was rejected on the grounds that identifying them could create the appearance of a conflict of interest.

White House regulatory liaison Griselda Bogdanovic delivered a brief peroration on the importance of independent oversight, then supplied the agency’s independent conclusion.

“These are not the trades you’re looking for,” she said, while subtly gesturing with her hand in a Jedi-like manor.

Under revised procedures, market surveillance software will still flag unusual transactions, but alerts will go directly to the traders so they can decide whether to feel investigated.

Staff have until Friday to retract their findings. Anyone insisting the trades warrant scrutiny must complete a disclosure form listing all contacts with publicly available price data, an updated home address and where their children go to school.