Satire“I Cannot Undo What I Have Done,” $NVDA CEO Takes Full Responsibility For Signing Bras With A Sharpie
Distraught tech mogul deeply regrets failing to use a standard ballpoint pen or pencil.
SANTA CLARA, CA - Visibly shaken in his trademark leather jacket, Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang issued a heartfelt apology Sunday, telling his family and shareholders he takes full responsibility for autographing women’s bras with permanent marker.
“I cannot undo what I have done,” Huang said, holding up a Sharpie as he choked back tears. “I had a regular ballpoint pen in my pocket the entire time. There is no excuse.”
Sources close to the company say board members spent several hours explaining that nobody was upset about the bras, but Huang reportedly kept interrupting to ask whether OxiClean would help.
“He keeps saying he's fallen short of his responsibility to sign his own wife's bra...” said one exhausted executive.
When a reporter asked about counterintelligence concerns, Huang looked confused, then said he could start carrying a pencil and promised to sign only books, magazines and otherwise washable items going forward.
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