BlackRock CEO Larry Fink Thanks "Coldcard" for Generous $100M Bitcoin ETF Promotional Campaign

NEW YORK, NY – BlackRock CEO Larry Fink, a figure synonymous with traditional finance's steady hand, expressed his heartfelt thanks to the creators of the "Coldcard" hardware wallet today.

Fink's immense gratitude, he explained, stems from what he termed Coldcard's "extremely generous, albeit inadvertent, $100 million promotional campaign" highlighting the convenience and superiority of regulated financial products like BlackRock's IBIT Bitcoin exchange traded fund (ETF).

Fink said he was both "conflicted" and "touched beyond measure" following reports of Coldcard user wallets being drained of over $100 million in Bitcoin due to what cryptography experts describe as "bad entropy".

"We at BlackRock have always maintained that security, accessibility, and institutional-grade oversight are paramount in asset management," Fink stated calmly during a brief press conference, his look of concern betrayed by a faint smile on his lips.

"While we wish no ill upon any individual investor, incidents like this Coldcard self-custody wallet hacking situation underscore precisely why our clients choose established, regulated vehicles.

"Honestly, we truly couldn't have paid for better advertising for our IBIT product."

Fink elaborated, suggesting that the north of $100 million loss, a sum he described as "a significant budget for a marketing and promotional campaign, even for us..." served to illuminate the inherent potential risks associated with self-custody.

"Bitcoin is an incredible technological innovation... The fact that it is a bearer asset enables anyone to hold any amount of bitcoin, even millions or billions in theory, simply by memorizing a "seedphrase", which is a series of 12-24 randomly generated words...

"Unfortunately, if that seedphrase is not generated randomly enough, hackers could easily guess it and take your Bitcoin, which is what happened with Coldcard...

"The beauty of a Bitcoin ETF, you see, is that you simply hold ETF shares in their brokerage account. We handle the back-end, including the private digital keys, the security protocols, the multi-factor authentication, the secure vaults, the armed guards, the decoy armed guards, the quantum-resistant encryption, and a very real, very large insurance policy," he explained, pausing for effect.

"Our IBIT clients sleep soundly... They know their investments aren't dependent on their ability to determine if their wallet entropy is strong enough, or having to correctly transcribe a 24-word seed phrase onto a titanium plate and then store that plate somewhere safe that only you can get to..."

Bitcoin "maximalists", ardent critics of the repeated bailouts of the traditional corrupt banking system and Wall Street financiers, have long championed individual sovereignty and advocated for self-custody as the ultimate expression of financial independence, particularly within the bitcoin space.

However, Fink suggested that the recent incident presented a compelling counter-narrative.

"It appears the 'Coldcard', through its very existence as a highly respected Bitcoin maximalist's tool for self-custody has become an unwitting evangelist for managed bitcoin exchange traded funds," Fink mused.

"These series of hacks teaches a very clear lesson: when faced with the choice between becoming your own private, heavily armed, cryptographically fluent bank, or simply owning a share in a professionally managed fund, many may find the latter remarkably appealing.

"We are beyond thankful of the Coldcard folks and will be sending them a fruit basket this holiday season."

BlackRock's iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT) recently surpassed $48 billion of assets under management (AUM), a success Fink attributes in part to the growing understanding among investors that sometimes, it's best to let the professionals handle the keys, especially if those keys are to a digital fortune that could be easily compromised.

Fink concluded by saying that he is eternally grateful to Coldcard and that BlackRock would be commissioning a series of educational videos titled "My $100 Million Boo-Boo: A Self-Custody Cautionary Tale," featuring an animated character named "Corky McEntropy."