SatireReport: North Korea Getting More Ass Than A Toilet Seat
Officials credit innovative supply-side economics in creating a temporary shortage of tiger-handlers, cocaine and strippers.
PYONGYANG — North Korean officials proudly announced Friday that a $6.3 billion cryptocurrency theft had boosted its economy by approximately 25%.
Sources indicate the theft is already trickling down to escorts, bottle-service and cocaine dealers, transforming the isolated dictatorship into a much larger Las Vegas, albeit with stricter checkout procedures.
“The West says we have no private sector, but I'd like to see you get your hands on a reasonably priced ice sculpture or a panther handler this weekend,” said economic development adviser Kim Yong-Chun, speaking from behind a velvet rope beside an overflowing champagne fountain.
He credited supply-side reforms and new economic intermediaries in arranging discreet transportation, imported liquor, and rendezvous with eager concubines.
Commenting from within the Ministry of Afterhours, party procurement director Kang Wi-hun insisted he maintained punctilious records distinguishing ideologically decadent Western cocaine and hookers from cocaine and hookers purchased to celebrate victories over the West.
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