SatireElection Night Coverage Interrupted Every 4 Minutes So Candidates Can Check $INTC Price
Bipartisan leaders demand anchors stop discussing implications of potential "blue wave" long enough to calculate their exposure to chip leader.
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi repeatedly interrupted live election coverage Tuesday to ask how $INTC was doing.
The President and the Democratic congresswoman insisted that anchors stop focusing on the midterm results unless it was through the lens of what they meant for Pelosi’s call options, Trump’s corporate bonds, and the federal government’s Intel stake.
“Stop talking about Abdul El-Sayed and tell me where I am relative to my strike price,” Pelosi demanded as CNBC anchor Andrew Ross Sorkin attempted to describe key swing district voter turnout.
Trump objected to the broadcast’s emphasis on winners and losers, requesting that Sorkin distinguish between a legislative mandate and a material change in corporate creditworthiness. “Everybody keeps saying the country is divided... But are my coupon payments divided? Because I want the whole, beautiful payment.”
Treasury liaison Richard Watanabe confirmed that the federal government shared both investors’ concerns and had dispatched an equity portfolio manager directly to the CNBC decision desk to assist with equity modeling.
The Bugle's Inspiration
The hint of sweet truth behind the satire →
- Pelosi Purchases $INTC Call Optionsdisclosures-clerk.house.gov
- Trump Buys at Least $82 Million in Bonds Since Late Augustfinance.yahoo.com
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